October 2, 2013

What Are You Eating?

I always get the comments about, "didn't you like your ..." whenever I eat out.  I really don't even bother to explain to anyone anymore that I can't eat the gigantic portion the waiter served me.  Even when I get a box before the entree comes and box up half of my food, there is always some food leftover.  I am no longer a member of the "clean your plate" club, and I don't condone it for my kids or anyone else.

For me, food is no longer as huge a part of my life as it used to be.  I eat to live; eat to survive.  I take care of my body now and that is a huge difference.  I use my food choices a fuel that my body needs instead a mainstay of my existence or the center of my life.    So I am boxing up those left overs and not going over my rations during a meal anymore. 

I am working on making my family meals in smaller portions.  That has been a true challenge for me.  I can't eat what I used to, and now I see so much food wasted in this house.  What I have trouble believing or I just find it hard to believe that when I cooked, I consumed a lot what I now consider left-over food.  I have to shake my head.  I don't want to knock anyone reading this for the first time.  I decided to go on this journey for myself, for my health and well-being, but also for my kids, but it just stuns me how much I used to eat.

I ate to be filled.  I ate to be satiated.  I ate to appease others.  I ate to have fun.  I ate to deal with pain.  I ate to celebrate.  I used food as a coping mechanism, but never as it was intended to be used -- as a fuel. 

This journey through weigh-loss surgery really brings a person through all of the stages of grief!  There is the mourning, the denial, the anger, the acceptance, and then the realization that you can move on.  When I first had surgery, I felt sad about all of the foods I could no longer eat.  I then went through denial that I couldn't eat what I wanted when I wanted.  That phase got me into deep doo-doo because it caused me to overeat and throw up, a lot!!!

Then I was angry!  I was angry that I couldn't do what I wanted to do or eat like I used to and I felt what I like to call, "buyer's remorse".  Why did I do this to myself?  . 
The phase of disbelief rears it head again, because as I shed the weight, when I looked in the mirror, I still saw the same fat girl.  I started getting compliments, and people started telling me how good I looked.  But when I looked back at myself, nothing had changed on the inside, within my consciousness.  I continued to feel the same. 

Today, I feel like I am in the acceptance stage. I look in the mirror and see a thinner me, but I have different thoughts now.   I have learned how to eat, what to eat, how to satisfy myself and my cravings, and how to take care of my new body.  I had to adapt a new mantra as I was transformed after my surgery.  My new thoughts had to allow me to look at and treat food differently.  Through this transformation, I am slowly learning how to cook less, and really plan my meals.  I find if I don't plan out my family's meals for week, and my lunches for the week, we waste a slew of food, or I end up not eating during lunch, or eating out.  It takes a lot of thought to go into planning and I have used a lot of Google hours to find ways of slow cooking meals, making our meals more simple and tasty, all while be health conscious.  I have to say that this organziation has really helped all of us because I can see fewer items spoiling in house and less food being leftover and spoiled.

If you are considering Weight-Loss surgery, I hope you can use my experience to help you make wise choices.  You will go through the "stages of grief", but the sooner you recognize them, the better off your journey's outcome will be.  Please leave me some love below.  Leave some comments on my Facebook page, or send me a Tweet @faith0107!  I would  love to hear from you and find out where you are in your WLS Journey.

Smooches!