November 14, 2010

Letting Go


Like so many other women with weight issues, I have been in a state of depression for years.  Some days I don't even want to get out of bed, but I keep going just so I can keep myself and my family going.  I keep up the momentum and try not to get sucked into the muck or the funk that depression can bring.  I have felt this overwhelming sadness for so long that it just became a part of me, and I never really thought of changing my point of view until a friend invited me to her church.  Now, I'd been a baptist forever, so I didn't really think church was going to make me feel any better when most of my church experience often made me feel riddled with guilt and more sad.  This church was different and by the next Sunday, I was a member. 

Through new teaching and new thought, I was able to transform myself from hopeless pessimism to a more optimistic person who was ready to caste off the robes of other people's opinions.  I had felt I had lived so long trying to please everyone else that it was time to please myself.  I really wanted to be happy, but I knew that happiness was a choice that I had to make, just like making the choice to have bariatric surgery.

So speaking with people about depression is something that I enjoy doing because it allows me to share my story in hopes that someone can draw something good from my experience.  I just finished reading a post on a blog called, "Hope Despite Depression", and it made me feel good that the author Christine had posted about letting go of the past.  I can relate so much because my past has haunted me like an unsettled specter.  Christine writes, "stop worrying about what others think of you - because it's only going to prevent you from moving forward in your journey towards you finding your inner peace." That one sentence just resonated with me because I have spent so much time pleasing everyone else, that there was no joy in my own life.  I wanted to start living for me, and my path to healing had to begin within me.  Check out Christine's full post at: http://hopedespitedepression.blogspot.com/2010/10/letting-go-of-what-others-think-of-you.html.  You will find some other great resources for depression and therapy.  

Remember when you are at a crossroads in your life, you're the only person who can make you take the next step or the next direction.  You just have to TAKE the next step in order to make your way.

1 comment:

  1. Hello Faith ~

    I'm so happy that my post resonated with you! I'm also glad that you found mine and as a result I found YOURS because I can understand issues when dealing with our weight. In fact, your post has inspired me to write about my own struggle with weight...

    I grew up looking like a twig (later realizing it was because of my anxiety and the anxiety causing terrible acid reflux - which made it difficult to eat without always getting sick... and once this was figured out and I was able to take medication for it my stomach started to feel better - but I love food - and it was my comfort when dealing with my depression... then add on the fact that I'm taking medication for depression (which causes weigh gain) and I think you can see where this is going...

    I went from a size 2 to a 14 - pushing 16. I was tiny up until my mid twenties - then I gained... and WOW - what a difference I noticed in the way people treated me - it's ridiculous!!! I was still the same person inside, yet all people saw was how I looked on the outside. It hurt and it angered me how cruel and ignorant people can be.

    I've lost some weight and now am (depending upon where I shop - lol) between an 8, 10 or 12!! lol!!! But you know what? I'm fine with it... I always knew a size 2 wasn't healthy - I look back at pictures and see how gross that looked - but it was because of my anxiety - not because I wanted to be that way.

    My sister is a size ZERO - ZERO!?! How insane is that??? I have to admit - when I'm around her I can feel down about myself (even if I was feeling good before seeing her) - plus constant weight comments by my Dad never help - I at least speak up and tell him how inappropriate and mean his comments are...

    Anyway - Life is truly about finding our self and being happy with who we are - and it sounds like you're on a good path right now! Faith in ourselves and faith in God is all we need in life!! Keep up the good work!!!

    Blessings,
    Christine :)

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